Sorrow | Sleeping At Last


it feels like falling.
it feels like rain.
like losing my balance
again and again.
it once was so easy;
breathe in. breathe out.
but at the foot of this mountain,
i only see clouds.

i feel out of focus,
or at least indisposed
as this strange weather pattern
inside me takes hold.
each brave step forward,
i take three steps behind
it’s mind over matter –
matter over mind.

then all at once.
a single loose thread
and it all comes undone.

where there is light,
a shadow appears.
the cause and effect
when life interferes.
the same rule applies
to goodness and grief;
for in our great sorrow,
we learn what joy means.

i don’t want to fight,
i don’t want to fight it.
but i will learn to fight,
i will learn fight
’til this pendulum finds equilibrium.

then all at once.
the dark clouds depart,
and the damage is done.

so pardon the dust
while this all settles in.
with a broken heart,
transformation begins.


Oct. 15, 2015. Saturday / Home

“… It’s like starting another volume of my life, which is all fine and dandy-the more volumes, the merrier-but it also makes me a bit… something that this journal- this volume doesn’t have the answers. I don’t even know if the next one will, or the one after that. But, that’s one of the reasons I write in these things, to keep looking. I’m looking. I’d like that to be known at this point in time.”