My Favorite Quotes/Conversations from “What We Do In The Shadows”

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  When watching a comedy for the first time, I usually prefer to do so in a group rather than by myself. This is because some comedies tend to be more funny when there’s somebody else to laugh with. Like the jokes can only be funny when you’re surrounded by a specific atmosphere. A “we’re here to have fun and laugh” kinda atmosphere. And I don’t mind that. There’s been plenty of comedies that I’ve first watched by myself, and found boring, and then I’d watch them with my family, or some friends and I’d find them hilarious. It happens. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it does come off as if it’s lacking something. Something important, even. Because, had it not been for the comedic atmosphere provided by the group of people surrounding you, this movie would be a bit boring, and definitely not as funny.

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  This is not the case with ‘What We Do in the Shadows’. (Which, btw, is a mocumentary about 3 vampires “living in a flatting situation” in New Zealand, and the domestic problems they have to deal with throughout.) It is one of the most bizarre movies I have ever seen, and somehow that makes it truly, and beautifully, a work of art. A masterpiece. Because never have I enjoyed watching a comedy alone as much as I have with this one. I’ve watched this movie plenty of times by myself, and it only gets funnier and funnier every time I see it.  It’s so ridiculous that it works. The script, the execution, the general vibe of the movie, is, quite honestly, outstanding. Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement (the writers and directors of the film) have produced a true gem. So without further ado, here’s a list of my favorite quotes/conversations from “What We Do In The Shadows”:

“Every few years a secret society in New Zealand gathers for a special event: The Unholy Masquerade. In the months leading up to the ball, a documentary crew was granted full access to a small group of this society. Each crew member wore a crucifix and was granted protection by the subjects of the film.”

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(Vladislav, Viago, and Deacon are sitting in the kitchen having a “flat meeting”)

Vladislav: Is Petyr coming? Should we wait?

Viago: Petyr is 8000 years old. We’re not going to have Petyr at the meeting. Okay, so… I wanted to have a quick chat about flat responsibilities because… uh… guys, I think we’re not all pulling our weight here. We’re not just pointing the finger at you, Deacon. You’re a cool guy but you’re not pulling your weight in the flat.

Deacon: [whilst knitting] Well, I’m glad to hear that I’m cool.

Vladislav: No, that’s not the point though-

Deacon: Yeah, no, I know.

Viago: It’s not a flat meeting about how cool you are.

Deacon: I do my flat chores.

Vladislav: No, you don’t!

Deacon: Yes, I do.

Viago: No, that’s why we’re having the flat meeting.

Vladislav: [angry] the point is, Deacon, that you have not done the dishes for 5 years.

Viago: Vladislav is right. It’s unacceptable to have so many bloody dishes all over the bench like that…

Vladislav: [even angrier] I’m so embarrassed when people come over.

Deacon: [Incredulous] Why does it matter?! You bring them over to kill them!

Vladislav: [convinced] … yeah.

Deacon: Vampires don’t do dishes.

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“One day I was selling my wears, and I walked passed this old creepy castle. And I look at it and think, ‘very old and creepy’. And then this creature… flies at me! It dragged me back to this dark dungeon. And bit into my neck. And just at the point of death; this creature forced me to suck its foul blood. And then it opened it’s wings, like this. And hovered above me. Screeching. ‘Ahhh-haha! Now you are vampire.’ And it was Petyr. And we’re still friends today.” – Deacon

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Viago: [voiceover] Vladislav is like this older vampire who grew up in the medieval times. And you know, to be living this long, and to have seen the things that he’s seen, and still, like, kind of have it together… I mean, hats off to him. He’s a really great guy. A bit of a pervert. He has some pretty old ideas about things.

Vladislav: [present time] We should get some slaves!

Deacon: Yes!

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Viago: I went into the lounge the other day and there was blood all over my nice antique couch.

Vladislav: Which one, the red one?

Viago: Well, it’s red now, yeah. If you’re going to eat a victim on my nice clean couch put down some newspapers on the floor! And some towels. It’s not hard to do.

Vladislav: We’re vampires! We don’t put down towels.

Viago: Some vampires do.

Vladislav: Well, not serious ones.

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Deacon: [as he does the dishes] This is bullshit.

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“Vampires have had a pretty bad rep. We’re not these mopey old creatures who live in castles. And while some… most of us are- a lot are… but… there are also those of us who like to flat together in really small countries like New Zealand.” – Viago

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“We are trying to attract victims to us. I go for a look which I call ‘Dead but Delicious’. We are the bait, but we’re also the trap.” – Vladislav

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Viago: Vladislav used to be extremely powerful. He could hypnotize crowds of people.

Deacon: Great orgies. Twenty- thirty women!

Viago: He could turn into all sorts of animals. But now he never gets the faces right.

Deacon: He would kill anybody. Men, women. Children. Burning… everything. It was totally great.

Viago: But, he suffered a humiliating defeat at the hands of his arch nemesis… The Beast. And, he’s never been the same.

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“I think we drink virgin blood because… It sounds cool.” – Deacon

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“Hi, my name is Nick. I’ve been a vampire for two months. Probably I reckon the best thing about being a vampire is flying. Like i’ve always wanted to- I think everyone’s always wanted to fly. And now I can do it.” -Nick

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Deacon: The neighbors can see you flying around the house. You want to draw attention to the house, hmm?

Nick: You’ve got a whole documentary crew following you around.

Deacon: I’m doing an erotic dance for my friends. And you ruined it. I was in the zone. My friends were loving it.

Nick: I love it. I saw the end of it. It looked great.

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Deacon: [sniffing the air] I can smell werewolves.

Vladislav:  Okay, we’re just about to walk past some werewolves so some shit might go down.

Deacon: [as they pass the werewolves] Look out guys, don’t catch fleas.

Werewolf: What’s that mate?

Viago: Deacon.

Werewolf: Sorry, what?

Vladislav: [pulling Deacon] Keep going. Keep walking. Keep walking.

Werewolf: We heard that, mate. We’ve got sensitive hearing.

Vladislav: [turns to the werewolves] We don’t want any trouble.

Deacon: I do! Have I got your heckles up? Huh? Why don’t you go smell your own crotches?

Werewolf: What are you talking about? We don’t smell our own crotches, we smell each others crotches, and it’s a form of… greeting.

Werewolf (2): It’s ok, cause I know this guy. [pointing towards Viago] He’s count Fagula.

[werewolves laugh]

Pack leader: Hey, hey, hey! Don’t swear. We’re werewolves. What are we?

Pack: [unanimously] We’re werewolves, not swearwolves.

Vladislav: That’s a very offensive word to call people.

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“I’m the main guy from ‘Twilight’. You know the main guy? Twilight? That’s me.” – Nick

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Nick: Twilight!

Deacon: Shut up, Nick! You’re not Twilight.

Nick: What your problem?

Deacon: You’re my problem. Telling the world that we are vampires.

Nick: [Looking at the camera] And I’ll tell the whole world that you’re an asshole now.

Deacon: [As he pushes Nick] Shut up!

Nick: [As he pushes Deacon back] No, you shut up!

Deacon: No, you shut up!

Nick: I’m Dracula, man.

Deacon: You’re not Dracula. You don’t even know who Dracula is! You idiot!

[Nick turns into a bat]

[Deacon turns into a bat]

[They fight]

Vladislav: Oh, bat fight!

 

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Deacon: I call into session, this trial of Nick of Wellington.

Vladislav: Read the charges.

Viago: [from notebook] Problems we have with Nick. Number 1: You brought a human into our house. Which is a big no-no in the vampire world.

Vladislav: [Interrupting Viago] Stu’s- Stu’s ok though.

Viago: Yeah, Stu’s fine. So I guess we’ll just cross that one out. Uh… [Looks for a pen]

[Stu helpfully passes one to him]

Viago & Vladislav: Thank you, Stu.

Viago: So, the new number 1: Nick’s been telling people he’s a vampire. That in turn resulted in an unwanted visit from a vampire hunter. Crime number 2: This is quite a biggy, Nick. The vampire hunter who killed Petyr. That’s… I actually should’ve… that should’ve been crime number one but we wanted to build up to that. Number 3: Deacon doesn’t like that you wear the same jacket as him. And he would like you to find your own original style.

Vladislav: For these crimes of which we the vampire council find you guilty you shall be banished from our flat. Indefinitely.

Deacon: Indefinitely!

Nick: So I can come back?

Deacon: No, no, ‘indefinitely’ means that there is no end.

Viago: No, ‘indefinite’ means that it’s not a definite thing.

Deacon: Yeah, but it’s long.

Nick: It could be tomorrow, it could be six months.

Vladislav: No, it is not going to be tomorrow.

Deacon: You get at least six months.

Vladislav: You are banished. But, Stu, you can visit if you like.

Stu: Thank you.

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“I hope you never see The Beast. The Beast.” – Vladislav

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“‘The Beast’ is, uh,  the name I gave to my ex-girlfriend Pauline. She prefers ‘Pauline.'” -Vladislav

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“Some people freak out a bit about the the age difference. Uh, they think, ‘What’s this 96 year old lady doing with a guy four times her age?’ And, you know, I don’t care, they could call me cradle snatcher. Who cares?” – Viago

 

My One Problem With ‘Beauty & the Beast’

Here’s the thing, I love Beauty & the Beast. It’s an enchanting movie. But I have a problem with it that I was hoping would be addressed in the Beauty & the Beast reboot starring Emma Watson and Dan Stevens. (Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.) But, as I was saying, Beauty & the Beast is a remarkable movie. One of Disney’s finest. The characters are well-developed, and memorable, the music’s great, the emotions provoked are real and genuine (I remember feeling nervous every time the Beast got angry)… It’s a good movie. But ever since I found out that the Beast’s name is supposedly “Adam”, I cannot for the life of me figure out why it was never mentioned in the movie. ??????????????

I’ve had this in my head for years now, and the more I think about it, the more it just doesn’t make any sense to me. First, you have Belle, Ms. I-must-go-into-the-dark-and-creepy-west-wing-even-though-the-freaking-enchanted-objects-in-this-freaky-castle-where-a-freaking-giant-and-talking-beast-lives-told-me-not-to. She’s a character that’s guided by her curiosity. Why on Earth does she never think to ask what the Beast’s name is? It really doesn’t make any sense. I mean, not only does it never come up, but she also actually calls him “Beast” at one point. (Please see minute 2:11 in the video below.)

  How does his name never come up? She freaking teaches him how to read! Scratch that, she freaking falls in love with him. How can she not even once think to ASK HIM HIS NAME?

HOW COULD IT NOT BE MENTIONED?

And I feel like mentioning his name would have added a lot more to an already good movie, because, I mean, other than it being OOC for Belle to not ask his name, just think about how it would have added to the Beast’s character development. He spends all those years under the curse thinking he is nothing more than the creature he’s been transformed into. He eats like an animal, he acts like one… He basically is one, because he believes he is. Just think about how Belle asking him his name would probably make him remember a self that he had forgotten long ago (maybe even before he was transformed? I imagine everyone at that point would have only been referring to him as “your highness” or whatever).  Also, I picture the scene to go down like that scene from LOTR when Frodo asks Gollum what his name is, and Gollum’s mind is just blown away because he’d forgotten that he had anything of the sort.

So, why did the filmmakers think that mentioning the Beast’s name was unnecessary? Whether it was “Adam”, or it was undecided, or it wasn’t even talked about, why on Earth did they think that the story worked best without mentioning it? Was it done intentionally? Was it not even considered? Was it because they couldn’t seem to find an appropriate place to add that scene in? Because I have the perfect scene in mind for it. It’d happen as Belle tends to the Beast’s wounds in front of the fireplace, after he saved her from the wolves. And that would be it. Voila! Character consistency, and development all tackled in one scene, and none of them would even have to mention it again.

But it never happens. I had hopes that it would be mentioned in the new BATB movie, but as mentioned earlier, it doesn’t. Why? I haven’t a clue.

@ Disney, I’d really love an answer if you have one. Because the amount of work that goes into making these movies, and the attention to detail is great I am sure. How could this get overlooked?

 

 

 

My Favorite Quotes/Conversations from “Stand By Me”

I first heard about this movie while reading a book called “Love Letters to the Dead” by Ava Dellaira a couple years ago, and, in the book, the protagonist writes letters to dead people in an attempt to make sense of her own life after the death of her older sister. Some of those letters were addressed to River Phoenix. And one of the only things I can remember from that book was her writing about “Stand By Me” in her first letter to him. I don’t know what it was about it that made it stick out as much as it did. She seemed to love it quite intimately, I guess, and that must have spoke to me. So, based on that, I was a bit intrigued, and also hesitant when watching this movie a couple nights ago. I didn’t know what to expect. And I honestly put it on with the intention to switch it off if it did not grab my attention. But it did, almost instantly. The second I saw all those boys up in that treehouse, there was no turning back.

It’s such a beautiful story, and movie. And through it, I have been introduced to a new favorite character of mine. Chris Chambers played by River Phoenix. He’s such a beautiful character, and River Phoenix portrayed him so well. Never have I gotten the urge to hug, and hold a character tight as much I have with Chris Chambers after watching “Stand By Me”. And when the movie was done, I felt broken. But not in a terrible way. I don’t know how to describe it. But I took out “Love Letters to the Dead” last night, and it was my first time picking it up after I had put it down the last time I read it, and I looked for the part where she wrote about the movie, and I found that it summarized my feelings well enough: “You were so beautiful. But even more than that, you were somebody we felt like we recognized. In the movie, you were the one to take care of Gordie, who’d lost his older brother. You were his protector. But you had your own hurt, too. The parents and the teachers and everyone thought badly of you because of your family’s reputation. When you said, ‘I just wish I could go someplace where no one knows me,’ May turned to me and said, ‘I wish I could pull him out of the screen and into our living room. He belongs with us, don’t you think?'”

So, without further ado, a list of my favorite quotes/conversations from Stand By Me:

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“I was twelve going on thirteen first time I saw a dead human being. It happened in the summer of nineteen-fifty-nine. A long time ago. But only if you measure in terms of years. I was living in a small town in Oregon called Castle Rock. There were only 1281 people, but to me it was the whole world.” – The Writer (adult Gordie)

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 Vern: But if we do find the kid’s body over in South Harlow they’ll know we didn’t go to the drag-races! We’ll get hided!

Teddy: Nobody would care cos everybody is gonna be so jazzed about what we found it’s not gonna make a difference!

Chris: Yeah! My dad would hide me anyway. But hell that’s worth a hiding!

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“I wanted to share my friends’ enthusiasm but I couldn’t. That summer at home I had become the invisible boy.” The Writer

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Chris: Oh man, you should have seen your face! Yeah that was cool! That was really fine!

Gordie: You knew it was loaded, you wet end! I’ll be in trouble now that Tupper-babe saw me!

Chris: Shit, Gordie, she thought it was firecrackers!

Gordie: I don’t care. It was a mean trick, Chris.

Chris: Hey, Gordie. I didn’t know it was loaded. Honest.

Gordie: You swear?

Chris: Yeah, I swear.

Gordie: On your mother’s name?

Chris: Yeah.

Gordie: Even if she goes to hell because you lied?

Chris: Yeah, I swear!

Gordie: Pinky swear?

Chris: Pinky swear.

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Vern: Hey, I’m kind of hungry, who’s got the food?

Teddy: Oh shit! Did anybody bring anything?

Chris: Not me. Gordie?

Teddy: Well, this is great. What are we supposed to do? Eat our feet?

Chris: D’you mean, you didn’t bring anything either?

Teddy: Oh shit, this wasn’t my idea. It was Vern’s idea. Why didn’t you bring something?

Vern: What’m I supposed to do? Think of everything? I brought the comb!

Teddy: Oh great, you brought a comb. What d’you need a comb for if you don’t even have any hair?

Vern: I brought it for you guys!

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“I wondered how Teddy could care so much for his dad who practically killed him. And I couldn’t give a shit about my own dad who hadn’t laid a hand on me since I was three and that was for eating bleach from under the sink.” – The writer

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Teddy: I’m sorry if I’m spoiling everybody’s good time.

Chris: It’s okay, it’s okay, man.

Gordie: I’m not sure it should be a good time.

Chris: You saying you wanna go back?

Gordie: No. Going to see a dead kid… maybe it shouldn’t be a party.

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Gordie: D’you think I’m weird?

Chris: Definitely.

Gordie: No man, seriously. Am I weird?

Chris: Yeah. But so what; everybody is weird.

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Chris:You ready for school?

Gordie: Yeah.

Chris: Junior High. You know what that means. By next June we’ll all be split up.

Gordie: What’re you talking about, why would that happen?

Chris: It’s not gonna be like grammar-school, that’s why. You’re taking your college-courses and me Teddy and Vern will all be in the shop-courses with all the rest of the retards making ashtrays and birdhouses. You gonna meet a lot of new guys. Smart guys.

Gordie: Meet a lot of pussies is what you mean.

Chris: No man. Don’t say that, don’t even think that.

Gordie: Not going to meet a lot of pussies, forget it!

Chris: Well then you’re an asshole!

Gordie: What’s asshole about wanting to be with your friends?

Chris: It’s asshole if your friends drag you down! You hang with us, you’ll be just another wise guys with shit for brains.

Chris: You could be a real writer someday, Gordie.

Gordie: Fuck writing! I don’t wanna be a writer! It’s stupid! It’s a stupid wast of time!

Chris: That’s your dad talking.

Gordie: Bullshit.

Chris: Bulltrue. I know how your dad feels about you, he doesn’t give a shit about you. Denny was the one he cared about, and don’t try to tell me different! You’re just a kid, Gordie.

Gordie: Oh gee, thanks, dad!

Chris: Wish the hell I was your dad. You wouldn’t be going around talking about taking these stupid shop-courses if I was. It’s like God gave you something, man. All those stories that you can make up. An’ he said: This is what we got for you, kid, try not to lose it. But kids lose everything unless there’s someone there to look after them. And if your parents are too fucked up to do it then maybe I should.

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Writer: (voice over) We talked into the night. The kind of talk that seemed important until you discover girls.

Gordie: Alright, alright. Mickey’s a mouse. Donald’s a duck. Pluto’s a dog. What’s Goofy?

Vern: If I can only have one food for the rest of my life? That’s easy. Pez. Cherry-flavoured Pez. No question about it.

Teddy: Goofy’s a dog, he’s definitely a dog.

Gordie: I knew the sixty-four thousand dollars question was fixed. There’s no way anybody can know that much about opera.

Chris: He can’t be a dog. Wears a hat and drives a car.

Gordie: Wagon Train’s a really cool show. But did you ever notice that they never get anywhere? They just keep wagon training.

Vern: God, that’s weird. What the hell is Goofy?

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Chris: Are you okay?

Gordie: Huh?

Chris: You were dreaming.

Gordie: I didn’t cry at Denny’s funeral. I miss him, Chris. I really miss him.

Chris: I know. Go back to sleep.

Gordie: Maybe you could go into the College-courses with me.

Chris: That’ll be the day.

Gordie: Why not you’re smart enough.

Chris: They won’t let me.

Gordie: What d’you mean?

Chris: It’s the way people think of my family in this town. It’s the way they think of me. Just one of those lowlife Chambers-kids.

Gordie: That’s not true.

Chris: Oh it is. No one even asked me if I took the milk-money that time. I just got a three-day vacation.

Gordie: (hesitantly) Did you take it?

Chris: Yeah I took it. You knew I took it. Teddy knew I took it. Everyone knew I took it. Even Vern knew it I think. Maybe I was sorry and I tried to give it back.

Gordie: You tried to give it back?

Chris: Maybe, just maybe. And maybe I took it to Old Lady Simons and told her. And the money was all there. But I still got a three-day vacation because it never showed up. And maybe the next week Old lady Simons had that brand new skirt on when she came to school.

Gordie: Yeah, yeah. It was brown and had dots on it!

Chris: Yeah. So let’s just say that I stole the milk money but Old Lady Simons stole it back from me. Just suppose that I told the story. Me, Chris Chambers, kid brother of the Eyeball Chambers. You think that anybody would have believed it?

Gordie: No.

Chris: And d’you think that that bitch would have dared try something like that if it would have been one of those douchebags from up on The View if they had taken the money?

Gordie: No way!

Chris: Hell no! But with me… I’m sure she had her eyes on that skirt for a long time. Anyway she saw her chance and she took it. I was the stupid one for even trying to give it back. I never thought – I never thought that a teacher– Oh who gives a fuck anyway? I just wish I could go to some place where nobody knows me. I guess I’m just a pussy, Gordie.

Gordie: (whispers) No way, no way.

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Chris: Come on Teddy, act your age!

Teddy: This is my age! I’m in the prime of my youth and I’ll only be young once!

Chris: Yeah, but you’re gonna be stupid for the rest of your life.

Teddy: Oh-oh, Chambers you just signed your own death-warrant! You die, Chambers!

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Writer: (voice over) None of us could breathe. Somewhere under those bushes was the rest of Ray Brower. The train had knocked Ray Brower out of his Keds just like it had knocked the life out of his body.

Chris: Jesus.

Writer: (voice over) The kid wasn’t sick. The kid wasn’t sleeping. The kid was dead.

Chris: Let’s look for some long branches. We’ll build him a stretcher.

Chris: Gordie?

Gordie: Why did you have to die?

Vern: What’s the matter with Gordie?

Chris: Nothing. Why don’t you guys just go for some long branches, okay?

Gordie: Why did he have to die, Chris? Why did Denny have to die? Why?

Chris: I don’t know.

Gordie: It should have been me.

Chris: Don’t say that.

Gordie: It should have been me.

Chris: Don’t say that, man.

Gordie: I’m no good. My dad said it, I’m no good.

Chris: He doesn’t know you.

Gordie: He hates me.

Chris: He doesn’t hate you.

Gordie: He hates me.

Chris: No, he just doesn’t know you.

Gordie: He hates me. My dad hates me. He hates me oh oh God.

Chris: (As he holds and comforts Gordie) You’re gonna be a great writer someday, Gordie. You might even write about us guys if you ever get hard up for material.

Gordie: Guess I’d have to be really hard up, huh?

Chris: (with a chuckle) Yeah.

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Chris: (amused) “Suck my fat one?” Who ever told you you had a fat one, Lachance?

Gordie: Biggest one in four counties.

Chris: Yeah.

Vern: (as he gestures to the body of Ray Brower) We’re gonna take him?

Gordie: No.

Teddy: But we came all this way. We’re supposed to be heroes.

Gordie: Not this way, Teddy. Chris, gimme a hand.

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“Ray Brower’s body was found. But neither our gang nor their gang got the credit. In the end we decided that an anonymous phone-call was the best thing to do. We headed home. And although many thoughts raced through our minds we barely spoke. We walked through the night and made it back to Castle Rock a little past five o’clock on Sunday morning, the day before Labor Day. We’d only been gone two days. But somehow the town seemed different. Smaller.” – The writer

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“As time went on we saw less and less of Teddy and Vern until eventually they became just two more faces in the halls. That happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of your life like busboys in a restaurant. I heard that Vern got married out of High-school, had four kids and is now the forklift operator at the Arsenal Lumberyard. Teddy tried several times to get into the Army but his eyes and his ear kept him out. The last I heard, he’d spent some time in jail. He was now doing odd jobs around Castle Rock.” – The writer

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Chris: I’m never gonna get out of this town, am I, Gordie?

Gordie: You can do anything you want, man.

Chris: Yeah, sure. Gimme some skin.

Gordie: I’ll see you.

Chris: Not if I see you first.

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“Chris did get out. He enrolled in the College-courses with me. And although it was hard he gutted it out like he always did. He went on to College and eventually became a lawyer. Last week he entered a fast food restaurant. Just ahead of him, two men got into an argument. One of them pulled a knife. Chris who would always make the best peace tried to break it up. He was stabbed in the throat. He died almost instantly.

“Although I haven’t seen him in more than ten years I know I’ll miss him forever. I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve.
Jesus, does anybody?” -the Writer

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My Favorite Quotes/Conversations From “In Bruges”

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I do this thing where I get sorta attached to a particular actor for some time, wanting to watch as much of their movies as I can, until I somehow get them out of my system. (I like to call these attachments “phases”. My favorite phase, so far, has been my Eddie Redmayne one. I enjoyed trekking my way through his imdb page, in case you were wondering. There are gems to be found in there, my friends.) And, it is through this method that I have come across many (and I mean many) an odd movie, one of them being this one. Now, I can assure you that, obviously, not all of them, in fact most of them are definitely not as good as this one is. (There are some weird movies out there, people. Tread carefully.) In fact, this one’s great. I was going through a Colin Farrell phase a couple years back, and I came across this movie. I can’t remember what my exact thoughts about it were initially, but I think I took a look at the rating, and saw the poster and decided that it didn’t look boring.

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And I was so right. This movie is very far from what boring is. I remember thinking this movie was great when I first watched it. So I watched it again a couple days ago, just because, and was really happy to find that it was as good as I remember it being.

It’s entertaining. And the thing is, it comes off as this typical gangster/action comedy flick, when really, it’s quite a bit more serious than that. It’s actually a lot more serious than that. There’s some heavy content, and emotion in this movie, and yet, it still manages to come across as light hearted, and funny. And I have to commend the writer, as well as the actors for that, because this could have gone very wrong had it not been done right. It’s like the perfect blend of serious and funny. The two very much compliment each other in this film, and there’s (what feels like) a very fine line between them. They both add to each other. Plus, the dialogue is fantastic. I’m jealous. I’m so very jealous that a single human could produce this script, mashaAllah. So, with that being said, I present to you a list of My Favorite Quotes/Conversations From In Bruges:

Ray: Bruges is a shithole.

Ken: Bruges is not a shithole.

Ray: Bruges is a shithole.

Ken: Ray, we’ve only just got off the fucking train. Could we reserve judgement on Bruges until we’ve seen the fucking place?

Ray: I know it’s gonna be a shithole.

*****

Ray: (weirded out as he stares at Ken  pleasantly taking in the sights around them on their boat ride not minding the cold at all) Do you think this is good?

Ken: (distractedly) Do I think what’s good?

Ray: (still staring at Ken, weirded out) You know, going around a boat looking at stuff.

Ken: (Still looking around) Yes, I do. (Then looks at Ray who is huddled up and clearly not enjoying this) It’s called “sightseeing”.

*****

“Here’s my vote on what we should. We give it another day, two days max, and then we check the papers again… and if there’s still nothing in them, we phone him and say ‘Harry, thank you for the trip to Bruges. It’s been very nice, all the old buildings and that, but we’re coming back to London now, and hide out in a proper country, where there isn’t just fucking chocolates.'” – Ray

*****

Ken: (as he stares at a tower, excited) Come up?

Ray: (Still not enjoying this, and cold) What’s up there?

Ken: The view.

Ray: The view of what? The view of down here? I can see that down here.

Ken: Ray, you’re about the worst tourist in the whole world.

Ray: Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I’d grown up in a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me, but I didn’t, so it doesn’t.

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*****

“Purgatory’s kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren’t really shit, but you weren’t all that great either. Like Tottenham.” -Ray

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*****

Ray: Well what’s a fifty year old lollipop man doing knowing fucking karate? What, was he a Chinese lollipop man? Jesus, Ken. I’m trying to talk about-

(he can’t say it)

Ken: I know what you’re trying to talk about.

Ray: (crying) I killed a little boy. You keep bringing up the fucking lollipop man.

Ken: You didn’t mean to kill a little boy.

Ray: I know I didn’t mean to. But because of the choices I made, and the course that I put into action, a little boy isn’t here any more. And he’ll never be here again. I mean here in the world. Not here in Belgium. Well, he’ll never be here in Belgium either. He might’ve wanted to do, when he got older. I don’t know why. And that’s all because of me. He is dead because of me. And I’m try to… I’m trying to get my head round it, but I can’t. I will always have killed that little boy. And that ain’t ever goin away. Ever. Unless, maybe, I go away.

Ken: Don’t even think like that.

*****

Harry: (about Ray) So he’s having a really nice time?

Ken: Well, I’m having a really nice time. I’m not sure it’s really his cup of tea.

Harry: (after a long pause) What?

Ken: You know, I’m not sure it’s really his thing.

Harry: What do you mean it’s not really his thing? What’s that supposed to mean? It’s not really his thing. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Ken: Nothing, Harry.

Harry: It’s a fairytale town, isn’t it? How’s a fairytale town not somebody’s fucking thing?How can all those canals and bridges and cobbled streets and those churches, all that beautiful fucking fairytale stuff, how can that not be somebody’s fucking thing, eh?

Ken: What I think I meant to say was…

Harry: (Interrupts) Is the swans still there?

Ken: Yeah, there’s swans…

Harry: How can fucking swans not fucking be somebody’s fucking thing, eh? How can that be?

******

Ken: (As he sneaks up on Ray, ready to shoot him, only to notice that Ray was about to shoot himself) What the fuck are you doing, Ray?

Ray: What the fuck are ‘you’ doing?

Ken: (as he sticks his pistol behind his back) Nothing.

Ray: Oh, my God… you were gonna kill me.

Ken: No, I wa – You were gonna kill yourself!

Ray: Well… I’m allowed.

Ken: No, you’re not!

Ray: What? I’m not allowed, and you are? How’s that fair?

*****

Ken: You’re a suicide case.

Ray: And you’re trying to shoot me in the fucking head.

Ken: You’re not getting that gun back.

Ray: A great day this has turned out to be. I’m suicidal, me mate tries to kill me, me gun gets nicked and we’re still in fookin’ Bruges!

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*****

Ray: (crying) I killed a little boy!

(Ken embraces Ray)

Ken: Then save the next little boy. Just go away somewhere, get out of this business, and try to do something good. You’re not going to help anybody dead. You’re not going to bring that boy back. But you might save the next one.

Ray: What am I going to be, a doctor? You need exams.

*****

Ray: So Harry Waters wants me dead. What a wanker.

Ken: He said this whole trip, this whole being in Bruges thing, was just to give you one last, joyful memory before you died.

Ray: [Absolutely stunned] In BRUGES? The Bahamas, maybe. Why fucking Bruges?

Ken: I suppose it’s cheaper.

*****

(Harry, viciously attacking the telephone)

Natalie: Harry. Harry!

Harry: (stops) What?

Natalie: It’s an inanimate fucking object!

Harry: YOU’RE AN INANIMATE FUCKING OBJECT!

(Later)

Harry: I’m sorry for calling you an inanimate object. I was upset.

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******

Eirik: I was trying to rob him. And he took my gun from me. And the gun was full of blanks. And he shot a blank into my eye. And now I cannot see from this eye ever again, the doctors say.

Harry: Well to be honest it sounds like it’s all your fault.

Eirik: What?

Harry: I mean basically if you’re robbing a man and you’re only carrying blanks and you allow your gun to be taken off you and you allow yourself to be shot in the eye with a blank which I assume that the person has to get quite close to you then, yeah really it’s all your fault for being such a poof, so why don’t you stop wingeing and cheer the fuck up.

Yuri: Eirek – I really wouldn’t respond.

Eirik: I thought you wanted the guy dead?

Harry: I do want the guy dead, I want him fucking crucified but it don’t change the fact that he stitched you up like a blind little gay boy, does it?

******

Ken: Harry, let’s face it, and I’m not being funny. You’re a cunt. You’re a cunt now, you’ve always been a cunt, and the only thing that’s gonna change is you’re going to become an even bigger cunt. And maybe have some more cunt kids.

Harry: Leave my kids fucking out of it! What have they done?! You fucking retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids…!

Ken: I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.

Harry: Insulting my fucking kids! That’s goind overboard, mate!

Ken: I’ve retracted it, haven’t I? That still leaves you being a cunt…

Harry: I fucking got that!

*****

Ray: Harry, I’ve got an idea.

Harry: What?

Ray: My room faces out the canal, right? I’m going to go back to me room, jump into the canal, see if I can swim to the other side and escape.

Harry: All right.

Ray: If you go outside around the corner, you can shoot at me from there and try to get me. That way we’ll leave this lady and her baby out of the whole entire thing.

Harry: You completely promise to jump into the canal? I don’t want to run out there, come back in ten minutes, and find you fucking hiding in a cupboard.

Ray: I completely promise, Harry. I’m not going to risk having another little kid dying on me.

Harry: So, hang on – I go outside and I go which way? Right or left?

Ray: (annoyed) You go right, don’t you? You can see it from the doorway! It’s a big fucking canal!

Harry: All right. Jesus. I only just got here, haven’t I? Okay, on the count of one, two, three, go. Okay?

Ray: Okay.

[long pause]

Ray: What? Who says it?

Harry: Well you say it.

Marie: You people are crazy.

******

“You’ve got to stick to your principles.” -Harry

*****

“There’s a Christmas tree somewhere in London with a bunch of presents underneath it that’ll never be opened. And I thought, if I survive all of this, I’d go to that house, apologize to the mother there, and accept whatever punishment she chose for me. Prison… death… didn’t matter. Because at least in prison and at least in death, you know, I wouldn’t be in fuckin’ Bruges. But then, like a flash, it came to me. And I realized, fuck man, maybe that’s what hell is: the entire rest of eternity spent in fuckin’ Bruges. And I really really hoped I wouldn’t die. I really really hoped I wouldn’t die.” -Ray

My Favorite Quotes/Conversations From The Grand Budapest Hotel

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Tonight, after coming to the conclusion that I had nothing better to do with my time, I decided to watch The Grand Budapest Hotel- and I really enjoyed it. I chose this particular movie because a friend of mine, Kinda, told me about it. She told me that I’d really enjoy it and that it was a good movie. I didn’t really know what to expect, but I was excited to watch it because I like it when people tell me to watch something that they think that I would enjoy (Did you follow that? I’m not sure I did). I went into it blind. I didn’t watch a trailer and I don’t believe I even read its storyline either. I find it interesting when I go into a movie like that,  just jumping into it with no preparation whatsoever. It makes watching whatever I’m going to watch more… fun. I just new it was a comedy, which I found a little weird because it doesn’t give off that vibe. The title and the poster don’t really scream COMEDY!, you know? It’s more like, INSPIRATIONAL AND DRAMATIC.

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But I really enjoyed it. It’s such a classy movie. I can’t think of any other way to describe it.I found myself laughing a lot at the facial expressions of Tony Revolori, who plays “Zero”. He was funny, in a not-trying-to-be kind of way. Also, he and Ralph Fiennes were good together. The whole cast was great. The whole lot of them. They all played their parts well. This movie was really fun to watch. It’s so unapologetically what it is, it’s fascinating. Things happen and you don’t question why they’re happening, they just are! I guess it’s like that with most Wes Anderson movies, but I wouldn’t know since (I believe) the only other movie I’ve seen of his is Moonrise Kingdom, and I enjoyed that movie as well. So it was while I was watching this interestingly entertaining movie that I decided I wanted to make a list of my favorite quotes/conversations from it. And now, without further ado, I present to you a list of My Favorite Quotes/Conversations From The Grand Budapest Hotel:

M. Gustave: I’m not angry with Serge. You can’t blame someone for their basic lack of moral fiber. He’s a frightened, little, yellow-bellied coward. It’s not his fault, is it?

Zero: I don’t know. It depends.

M. Gustave: Well, you can say that about most anything, “it depends”. Of course, it depends.

**********

Dimitri: If I learn you ever once laid a finger on my mother’s body, living or dead, I swear to God, I’ll cut your throat! You hear me?

M. Gustave: I thought I was supposed to be a fucking faggot.

Dimitri: You are, but you’re bisexual.

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M. Gustave: She’s charming, she’s so charming.

Zero: Is he flirting with you?

Agatha: Yes.

M. Gustave: I approve of this union.

**********

“You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed, that’s what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant… oh, fuck it.” – M. Gustave

*********

“To be frank, I think his world had vanished long before he ever entered it – but, I will say: he certainly sustained the illusion with a marvelous grace!” – Mr. Mustafa

**********

M. Gustave: Serge X, missing. Deputy Kovacs, also missing. Madame D, dead. Boy With Apple, stolen. By us. Dmitri and Jopling, ruthless, cold-blooded savages. Gustave H, at large. What else?
Zero: Zero, confused.
M. Gustave: Zero, confused, indeed. The plot thickens, as they say. Why, by the way? Is it a soup metaphor?
Zero: I don’t know.

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***********

M. Gustav: I must say, I find that girl utterly delightful. Flat as a board, enormous birthmark the shape of Mexico over half her face, sweating for hours on end in that sweltering kitchen, while Mendl, genius though he is, looms over her like a hulking gorilla. Yet without question, without fail, always and invariably, she’s exceeding lovely. Why? Because of her purity.

Zero: She admires you as well, Mr. Gustave.

M. Gustav: Does she?

Zero: Very much.

M. Gustav: That’s a good sign, you know. It means she gets it. That’s important.

Zero: Don’t flirt with her.

**********

Zero: There’s something I haven’t told you, Agatha.
Agatha: Okay.
Zero: We stole a painting. It’s very valuable, maybe five million klubeks, in fact. I don’t know if anyone’s even noticed it’s missing yet but if something should happen to me and M. Gustave-
Agatha: You steal art?
Zero: One picture. Anyway, we need to make a plan for your survival. Hide this. It’s in code and you might need a magnifying glass to read it but it tells you exactly where and how to find Boy with Apple. Don’t take less than half the retail asking price. Also-
Agatha: Zero, I’m a baker!
Zero: You’re a pastry chef…
Agatha: I’m not a middle man. I’m not a fence, if that’s the term. I don’t trade in stolen property.
Zero: I said it wrong. She willed it to him.

*They hear someone approaching the room and Zero hides*

Mendl: Go to sleep
Agatha: Yes, Heir Mendl

*Mendl goes away and Zero comes out of hiding*

Zero: Hide this!
Agatha: No!
Zero: Okay, but take it anyway.

**********

“For my dearest darling, treasured, cherished Agatha whom I worship. With respect, adoration, admiration, kisses, gratitude, best wishes, and love from Z to A” – Zero

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***********

M. Gustave: Who’s got the throat-slitter?

My Favorite Quotes/Conversations From “You’ve Got Mail”

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I remember when I first watched “You’ve Got Mail” with my mom I instantly loved it. You know that feeling you get when you just know a movie’s going to be perfect? Yeah, I got that feeling. Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are just wonderful together. They’re so charismatic. They’re funny and light yet deep and emotional. It’s pulled off fantastically. If you haven’t seen this movie, I highly recommend that you do. So, while watching it today, I decided to compile a list of my favorite quotes/conversations from this movie, because, honestly? I just like making lists. And I just think that the quotes/conversations in this movie are worth sharing. And now, without further ado, I present to you a list of My Favorite Quotes/Conversations From “You’ve Got Mail”:

“What will NY152 say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer. I wait impatiently as it connects. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You’ve got mail. I hear nothing. Not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beating of my own heart. I have mail. From you.”
– Kathleen Kelly

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“The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don’t know what the hell they’re doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino.” – Joe Fox

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“I guess I’ve read Pride & Prejudice about 100 times and every time I read it I worry that Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are not going to get together — but the truth is whenever I think about my favorite book I always think about the books I read as a child.”
– Kathleen Kelly

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“Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life – well, valuable, but small – and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven’t been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.”
– Kathleen Kelly

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“My mother and I used to twirl.” – Kathleen Kelly to Joe Fox

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Joe Fox: [writing to “Shopgirl”]
Do you ever feel you’ve become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora’s box of all the secret, hateful parts – your arrogance, your spite, your condescension – has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and moving on, you zing them. “Hello, it’s Mr Nasty.” I’m sure you have no idea what I’m talking about.
Kathleen Kelly: [writing to “NY152”] No, I know what you mean, and I’m completely jealous! What happens to me when I’m provoked is that I get tongue-tied and my mind goes blank. Then I spend all night tossing and turning trying to figure out what I should have said. What should I have said, for example, to a bottom dweller who recently belittled my existence?

[stops and thinks]

Kathleen Kelly: [writing]
Nothing. Even now, days later, I can’t figure it out.
Joe Fox: [writing]
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could pass all my zingers to you? And then I would never behave badly and you could behave badly all the time, and we’d both be happy. But then, on the other hand, I must warn you that when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows.

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Joe Fox: [a clip on the news]
I sell cheap books, I do. So sue me.
T.V. Reporter: [a clip on the news] And that, in a nutshell, is the Fox Books philosophy.
Joe Fox: Hey!
Kevin: That’s what you said?
Joe Fox: Well… yeah, that’s not *all* I said. I said – aww, I can’t believe those bastards! I said we were great. I said you could sit and read for hours and no one will bother you. I said we have a hundred and fifty thousand titles. I showed them the New York City section. I said we were a goddamn piazza! A place in the city where people can mingle and mix and be.
Kevin: Piazza?
Joe Fox: I was eloquent. SHIT!
Kevin: Piazza…

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“Kevin, this woman is the most adorable creature I have ever come in contact with. If she turns out to be even as good-looking as a mailbox, I will be crazy not to turn my life upside down and marry her.”
– Joe Fox

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Kathleen: As if you were one of the stupid 22-year-old girls with no last name. ‘Hi, I’m Kimberly.’ ‘Hi, I’m Janice.’ Don’t they know you’re supposed to have a last name. It’s like they’re an entire generation of cocktail waitresses.
Joe: Look. I am not a 22-year-old cocktail waitress.
Kathleen: That’s not what I meant.

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“All this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.”
– Kathleen Kelly

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“A hotdog is singing! You need quiet while a hotdog is singing?”
– Frank Navasky

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Frank: What about you? Is there someone else?
Kathleen: [smiling]
No. No. But there is the dream of someone else.

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“Ah, I love daisies. Don’t you think that daisies are the friendliest flower?”
– Kathleen Kelly

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Joe Fox: It wasn’t… personal.
Kathleen Kelly: What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn’t personal to you. But it was personal to me. It’s *personal* to a lot of people. And what’s so wrong with being personal, anyway?
Joe Fox: Uh, nothing.
Kathleen Kelly: Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.

********************************

Joe: [silencing Kathleen]
Now, I can see that I bring out the worst in you, but let me just help you to not say something you’re just gonna torture yourself about for years to come.

********************************

“I could never be with someone who likes Joni Mitchell. ‘It’s clouds’ illusions I recall, I really don’t know clouds at all.’ What does that mean? Is she a pilot? Is she taking flying lessons? It must be a metaphor for something, but I don’t know what it is.”
– Joe Fox

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Joe Fox: You know, sometimes I wonder…
Kathleen Kelly: What?
Joe Fox: Well… if I hadn’t been Fox Books and you hadn’t been The Shop Around the Corner, and you and I had just, well, met…
Kathleen Kelly: I know.
Joe Fox: Yeah. I would have asked for your number, and I wouldn’t have been able to wait twenty-four hours before calling you and saying, “Hey, how about… oh, how about some coffee or, you know, drinks or dinner or a movie… for as long as we both shall live?”
Kathleen Kelly: Joe…
Joe Fox: And you and I would have never been at war. And the only thing we’d fight about would be which video to rent on a Saturday night.
Kathleen Kelly: Well, who fights about that?
Joe Fox: Well, some people. Not us.
Kathleen Kelly: We would never.
Joe Fox: If only.
Kathleen Kelly: [pause] I gotta go.
Joe Fox: Well, let me ask you something. How can you forgive this guy for standing you up and not forgive me for this tiny little thing of… of putting you out of business?
[Kathleen starts to cry]
Joe Fox: Oh, how I wish you would.
Kathleen Kelly: I really have to go.
Joe Fox: Yeah, well you don’t wanna be late.