All people are replaceable to some people,

therefore, to some people, I must be replaceable, too.

It just never occurred to me that “some people”

would also mean you.


Square One Is Never As Far Back As You May Think It Is (Alternatively… 17 Again)

I wish I knew how to ask for reassurance.
I wish my problem was definite.
I wish I knew why I feel the way that I do.
I wish I knew where these feelings first came from.
I wish I didn’t need your reassurance.
I wish you’d know to reassure me without me having to ask.
I wish reassurance was a thing that was given constantly.
I wish confidence didn’t fluctuate.
I wish you would care enough to push.
I wish to feel you care enough.
I wish to know.
I want somebody to have my back. Why do I feel
out of touch?
Why do I feel isolated? Why do I feel
left out?
I’m not ok. I’ve felt queasy for a while.
Nervous. Except not.
The same pain, & discomfort of nerves. But…

I don’t feel you caring.

When will 17 pass?


Oct. 15, 2015. Saturday / Home

“… It’s like starting another volume of my life, which is all fine and dandy-the more volumes, the merrier-but it also makes me a bit… something that this journal- this volume doesn’t have the answers. I don’t even know if the next one will, or the one after that. But, that’s one of the reasons I write in these things, to keep looking. I’m looking. I’d like that to be known at this point in time.”