Today, I wished I was 16 years old again. This isn’t a feeling I have often (or ever, thankfully. I’m quite happy to be moving forward in life), but today… Today I wanted to sit in my room and cry about how life sucks, and my family sucks, and I suck, and everything sucks. Everyone sucks. The whole universe sucks.
Only, whilst being lead on by my feelings oh so intensely, I found I couldn’t let myself do that. I couldn’t let myself act like the 16 year old I wished I was, because I can’t ever go back to being 16. I’ve become a grown up. Well. I’ve become somewhat of a grown up. Still. My point is, August, today I wanted to throw a tantrum in my room, and cry about things that I wasn’t sure deserved the tears and the headache afterwards, but I wouldn’t let myself, because, although I had the capacity (and still do have the capacity, if I’m being honest) to want to throw a tantrum, I now also have the weight of Reason to know that I shouldn’t. Which, if you ask me, sucks.
But, also, doesn’t. I guess the pros outweigh the cons in this one.
Today was weird. I felt things I haven’t felt in a while, and I couldn’t deal with them the way I would have before. Which threw me off, because I had no clue how to deal with myself or anyone around me. But I didn’t cry about it. And that doesn’t really feel like an accomplishment, but I am taking it as one.
ps. As usual: I am terrible at keeping to a schedule. So expect few and far between updates, August, IT IS THE WAY I AM.