I first thought about writing this post after reading some random post on yik yak (I’ve got a lot of time on my hands at the moment, sue me) about how “ugly faces can look pretty in pictures, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s an ugly face” (or something like that). And while thinking about where I wanted to go with this post (what point was I attempting to make and all that), I was initially going to focus on how some people (I’ve got my eyes on you Yik Yak OP) think that their opinion is true enough to set standards for everyone around them, and how that isn’t the case at all. That, “just because you don’t find a face appealing, that doesn’t make it ‘ugly’. It just means that YOU don’t like it.” And how “beauty is very much subjective.”
RIP to that post. I very much agree with all that is stated above, but I feel like there are thousands upon thousands of posts, articles, campaigns even, and yada yada yada like that available online to those who need to hear it. (Or that’s all I seem to have ever read on the topic of beauty standards online anyways.) The point being, what’s stated above isn’t exactly something that hasn’t been said before. And while the point I’m trying to make isn’t either, I feel like it isn’t said often enough. Especially in relation to beauty standards.
I like to write (I swear there is a point to this), and when I was younger I came across this long list of tips for writers that I have mostly forgotten, but I do remember one tip clearly, and it is: When writing something, you should avoid using words such as “I think” and “in my opinion” because they are pointless. It should be obvious that this is what you think , and that this is your opinion, since you are writing it.
So Yik Yak OP thinks that because they find someone “ugly” they will always and forever be ugly?
Ok. That is very clearly their opinion, and you know what? They’re entitled to it, too. What someone finds unattractive–especially when they’re random people– shouldn’t be accepted as the general opinion. Same goes for what people do find attractive. Because nobody speaks for everybody, and this is even more true in online communities. In fact, when someone makes generalized statements about something, you should definitely take it as them stating their own personal thoughts and opinions, and not take it as them speaking as the delegate of (insert applicable group of peoples here). Even if they do think that their opinion is the generally accepted truth, it doesn’t have to matter to you.
People don’t really ever use the words “in my opinion” and “I think” when stating what they believe, and know. And it shouldn’t really matter because, in the end, you are a person with a brain, and you can decide whether or not this person’s generalized opinion matters, or applies, to you or not.
Let’s say your hear your cousin saying, “Big noses are ugly.” It sounds rude, because who are you to say that big noses are ugly, like, so, what? We all have to have noses like Natalie Portman’s, or we’re forever doomed to have something “ugly” on our faces, unless we choose to alter it surgically to fit this standard of beauty?
The things is, who died and made your cousin the Setter of Beauty Standards? No one. Because this is an opinion that goes back to them. It is their opinion, and you don’t have to conform to it. And while, yes, there are people who agree with them wholeheartedly, there are definitely people who do not, as well.
There are people who are going to find me beautiful, as surely as there are those who will think that I am just plain old ugly. It’s ok. You can’t please everybody. It’s a sad (?) truth we all have to come to terms with.
And while it’s ok to try and change someone’s opinions on a topic, and it’s also ok to let your opinion on a topic that matters to you be known, (respectfully, because it isn’t ever nice to bully, or to act as if you are better than anyone) it’s important to note that some people just don’t want to have their minds changed (and those people are usually the ones who start/join arguments), so choose your battles (of wits) wisely.
It’s all in your hands, just as it should be. Just as it always has been. As long as you think you’re beautiful, and you’re happy/content with how you look, and, more importantly, who you are as a person, and how you treat the people around you, then other people’s beauty standards need not apply to you.