Letters to August | 5

Dear August,
University is just around the corner, and instead of moaning about how I’m not looking forward to all this… stuff, I’ve decided to mention what I am looking forward to.
First off, as with every school year, I am quite excited about getting new school supplies. I don’t know why, but there’s something about new notebooks, and pens, and pencils that gets me excited about starting a term. It’s as if they symbolised the full potential, and possibility (both exciting, and scary) a new term can encase. I love back-to-school-shopping. So, I’m definitely looking forward to that.
I’m also looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. To when being in university starts to feel normal, and summer just becomes this thing that happened months ago. I’m looking forward to moving on.
I’m looking forward to seeing my friends again, and making new ones. (If that happens.) I’m looking forward to having discussions with Bushbush, and Tals, and Nouf again. And laughing with Shahd about everything, and anything. And, one of the best things about this term, is that Sabs and I are going to have more time to spend with each other than we did last term. (Hopefully.) WE’RE GOING TO HAVE BREAKS TOGETHER, AUGUST. THREE HOURS EVERY WEEK, INSTEAD OF THE SCATTERED COUPLE OF MINUTES WE HAD HERE AND THERE LAST TERM. IT’S THE BEST. We won’t have to squeeze in 2-minute-conversations between classes anymore. Instead, we will lounge about and have not-so-rushed conversations about whatever comes to mind. (God be willing.) I’m really looking forward to that.
I am, also, looking forward to most of my classes this term. Especially History of Law. (You can thank Sabs for that. I was actually thinking about taking Comparative Political Systems instead, but after hearing her talk about her History of Law class last term, I had no choice but to change my mind.) I say “most” because there is this one subject that seems to be quite horrible, and strenuous. I am not looking forward to it. Not even a little bit. In fact, I have a a ball of stress growing in my belly just thinking about it. (AWAY WITH YOU, FOUL BEING. YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE.)
Let’s see… what else am I looking forward to?
I’m looking forward to – and dreading – bettering myself. I think this is the source of most of my discomfort. Because, obviously, I’m looking forward to getting to where I want to be with myself, but, I’m also dreading the work I have to put into it. (If only becoming the accomplished human being you want to be was a simple as a musical montage. WHY IS REAL LIFE THIS WAY????) I wish I could simply declare that  “I DO NOT CARE!”, and just work on whatever I want to improve on, without giving a second glance to those around me. (Not that people around me are rude, really. It’s just that I have a tendency of making monsters out of shadows.) But, I don’t think I’ll be reaching that “SCREW EVERYTHING” stage anytime soon.
Oh, well. One can hope that I at least reach the “I might care what you think about me, but I am not going to let myself panic about it to the point where I cry myself to sleep because of some rando’s thoughts on me” stage.
One step at time, and all that.
Oh, God.
Wish me luck.

Love always,

Farah

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6 thoughts on “Letters to August | 5

  1. I love the beginning of this, “I’ve decided to mention what I am looking forward to.” That’s a brilliant attitude 🙂
    I could definitely relate to the last point, “bettering myself” and not caring about other’s attitude and thoughts on me. I guess I’ve kinda given up with what I think about other peoples opinions on me. I don’t give anything a prejudgement until I’ve gotten to know them, or tried that something, and that sorta blocks off any negative opinions about myself, if they’re important to me:). I have to admit, it took me a while to feel confident with vlogging, as I was always thinking about the way someone would judge me, and i’m working on it, but I’m more determined to do it, as I’ve realised the blogging world is such a lovely world to be in. I’m going to a bloggers party next saturday, but I was invited by some of the bloggers attending to go to lunch with them in the day beforehand, which I thought was a really cute idea 🙂 xxx

    • That sounds lovely, Neelam. I hope you enjoy the party. I’m really sorry for this terribly late reply. I’ve been avoiding myself, you see. And I do that by not writing.
      I hope you had a lovely Eid with your loved ones. ❤

      • No worries at all, I hope you’re well! It’s definitely been a while but I hope you’re doing well:) thank you my love and yourself xxxxz

  2. Another school year, another kind of brand new start to the year. I know what you mean about life “going back to normal.” Summer feels like such a vacation, time moves differently, your brain has to adjust to a different daily schedule and it feels like you put your life on pause until it’s time to get back to the grind that you’ve been so familiar with for 10+ years.
    So nice that you and your friend will have more time together! That has usually been a highlight of every class and semester I’ve had with friends. University is more enjoyable with someone else right by your side. They make things tolerable.
    Looking forward to interesting classes is such a cool and mature feeling. Like look at you, feeling excited about a subject many would not even glance at. Look at you WANTING to learn and educate yourself on new things. What a great opportunity to be able to do that and also to be in university in the first place (I’ve always been thankful myself cause university is a big deal). Just in general, good for you on this post haha. Like the blogger above me, I like that you’ve chosen to focus on the good parts of going back. You’ll have plenty of not so great moments during the school year (sorry) but you can use this blog post to look back on and remember the good things you were looking forward to 🙂
    Good luck!! How many years do you have left?

    • Hello! I am terrible at staying constant sometimes.
      Sorry about that.
      This is a lovely message. It helps keep things in perspective. And we just had a 2 week break for Hajj (classes start tomorrow), so now we can officially begin the new term without any distractions. (Hopefully.) Thanks for the good luck, I’m definitely going to need it. (But hopefully not /too/ much.)
      I finish university in 3 years and a half. So, I still have a bit of time ahead of me, but that’s okay. I need that time to grow. How about you? How have things been for you?
      (I’ll be checking your blog later on to catch up on your happenings. (It’s 2 AM right now, and I have to get some sleep.))

      Hope you’re well!

      • Welcome back! I’ve been well. Just busy with life and work. Don’t even visit my blog! Nothing has changed :/ It’s on the back burner and I don’t see it coming back any time soon. I’ve been very…unfocused lately. And slightly unmotivated about personal projects. Can’t lie. The internet, social media and tv shows eat up a lot of my time…bleh. I’m really bad with time management and that’s something I gotta work on.
        Wow, 3 years and a half. That’s a lot. But yes, college is a great time and you will definitely grow. For sure. Looking forward to more posts from you! I’ve hardly been on WordPress but I come back once in a while. I have an off-again-on-again relationship with blogging…sigh. I’m assuming you’ve been too busy with school to write these days? I feel ya.

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