Every time I think about writing you a letter, I think “but not much has happened since my last one.” So, today, I decided to write to you – despite that pesky, little thought – just to let you know that you’ve been on my mind. I am constantly thinking about you, August. So much that, I have to force myself to not keep track of your days. To not obsess over them. To not countdown to the day I have to give up my summer vacation for studying, and attending classes, and working on assignments (and dealing with my fear of presentations (ahhh, good times)). I do not feel ready to tackle all that just yet.
I’m not sure if this is because I’m nervous about next term, or because, since the holiday began, I’ve been so aware of it slipping through my fingers. (It may possibly be both at once.) This whole summer has felt like “the deep breath before the plunge.” I feel like I’ve spent this summer waiting for the inevitable. As if there were an army marching it’s way towards me, and I couldn’t do much else but wait for it, and face my doom. Which isn’t the best way to spend a summer vacation, I know. So I’m trying to change that. I’m trying to relax, and enjoy the break that I have. (What’s left of it anyways.) Things will be okay. I made it through every obstacle that I faced last term, and I may not have liked it, but at least I know that I’ll be able to do the same this coming term. (Hopefully all coming terms.) I CAN DO THIS.
(Fake it till you make it, or so I’m told.)