Let me begin by stating why I am typing this letter out to you. I feel as if I’ve lost my voice. I haven’t written anything in, what feels like, a really long time. Every time I put pen to paper – or fingers to keyboard – I feel vacant. It’s like that moment when people ask you to tell them a bit about yourself and you suddenly forget everything you’ve ever said or done. (Like, who even AM I????) And when I do try to write something, I feel as if I were dancing to soundless music. All offbeat and scattered and kooky-looking. It’s either that or, I try and mimic myself, which feels even worse to me, because it makes me feel like a ghost of my own self. As if I’ve been diluted.
Basically, I’ve forgotten what my writing voice sounds like, August, so, what I’ve decided to do is write to you in the hopes of reminding myself. Just
force get myself out there regardless of how awkward and mechanical I feel and look. It’s time to let lose my moves despite how outlandish and eccentric they are.
I’d also like to share with you why it is you that I am writing to. I’ve chosen you for a number of reasons: 1) This didn’t even occur to me until mid-July (and that’s all thanks to Emily Diana Ruth, who has a Letters to July collection on her Youtube channel). 2) When I think “August” I instantly think about the movie and character ‘August Rush’. This helps make you feel familiar to me, August. Makes you feel as if you were a distant memory that’s recently resurfaced. (A veeeery distant memory.) Plus, I can’t help but feel this surge of fondness for child-Freddie Highmore. 3) I didn’t want to risk school getting in the way of this. (My term starts on the 22nd of this month.) And, 4) You feel safe. I don’t know why, but you do. You give off warm vibes, and you awaken thoughts of crispy Autumn leaves. (This is probably because of the movie ‘August Rush’.)
So, that’s it, I guess.
I look forward to getting in the swing of things with you, and I truly hope that you and I find each other agreeable.
ps. I would promise to write you a letter a day, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I will probably never be one to stick to a schedule 100%. So I will only promise to write to you a lot. (Hopefully.)