May 21, 2015

Before you, the most alive
I had felt was while eating
a za’atar sandwich under
a clear, starry sky
during a warm, and quiet summer night.

And I was so happy at that
moment, because I felt it.
I could feel the moment being made.
I could feel the moment poets
wrote about, and artists tried
to capture. I kept on thinking
about the line that was mentioned
in that one Indian movie I watched a while back,
“I now believe I exist.”
I did. Who wouldn’t?
I could feel the whole world
beneath my feet, and I couldn’t
fathom the endlessness of the sky
above me. It was scary.
It was amazing. It was everything
I wanted it to be.

But it isn’t the most alive I’ve
felt. Not now.
When I think about the most alive I’ve felt, I do not
think about that night spent
amongst the stars.

I think about the afternoon
Daddy got us Yummy Rice
for lunch. We were in the kitchen.
I had a few bites, but I couldn’t
eat. I didn’t want to. And that’s not only
because shock and sadness sorta tend to get rid
of any appetite you had, but I had
also realized that while you had just
been put in the ground to rest
till the end of time,
I was possibly doing one of the most “alive” things one can do.
I was eating.
And I have never felt more aware of the life in my body.

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6 thoughts on “May 21, 2015

  1. Okay don’t leave me hanging. Spill the beans! This is such a pretty/beautiful poem ❤ I love this. It's very true, and very romantic ❤ Aww I'm going to re blog this! xxxx

  2. oh my. i love this. i have these moments sometimes. where i’m aware of my own beating heart, my breath, my existence. and it freaks me out. in a good way though. like, holy crap, i’m alive, on earth, right now i exist. and others don’t and one day neither will i. but it also freaks me out in a bad way because….death.
    but yeah, i really like this poem.

    • I get these moments (usually while I’m in bed trying to fall asleep) where it just hits me that I exist in the world. That I have a body, and a life, and it makes me feel uncomfortable, because this is a temporary state, I know that. It’s always in the back of my head. It’s just that I don’t always /realize/ it. I will one day be gone. And, I don’t know why, but, when I think that, I usually go back to the thought that there will one day be books and movies that I will never know about, because I’m not there to… know about them.

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