After gruelling over the countless number of exams I’ve had this term, today… I have finally completed my last midterm.
I need a moment.
No more midterms!
NO. MORE. MIDTERMS.
It’s nice to feel that much closer to the end of all this. (“This” being the school year and not “all-life-as-we-know-it”).
It’s a windy day on my corner of the world, and I like to think that the world is exhaling in relief with me. She’s finally finished her midterms! The poor little dear was drowning in them. She’s now as free as a-
Nope. Not free as a bird yet. I mean, I did give myself a break today, but tomorrow I’m going to start studying for finals. Hopefully. (I’m trying to be strict with myself here (do not slack off. do not slack off. do not slack off)).
I’ve had my finals schedule for a couple weeks now, and- it’s not pleasant. I only have one day off in between my first four exams. So I’m preparing myself from now in order to save myself from future pressurising distress.
But! Let us not speak of such things on my day off. Let us speak of the things I have enjoyed whilst swimming in the pools of pressure. The little things.
I never knew how happy a shower could make me. I mean, I’ve always liked showers, and I’ve always appreciated them as well, it’s just that I now enjoy them.
There’s something very calming in only thinking about getting yourself clean. No worries and problems exist whilst in the shower. The world is on hold as you wash your hair and scrub your body. Everything that you have to do, all the papers and assignments you need to submit, and the exams you need to study for, all of that stays outside the bathroom door. It’s like there’s no room for it in there. I’ve made a haven out of my shower. (And I’m being romantic about a shower (The things I do when under pressure)).
I also found out that, when I’m under pressure, I forget to take care of myself. I forget to eat, and stay hydrated. I don’t take breaks from studying, which doesn’t help me at all. I, instead, choose to drown myself in sorrow and misery and stress and sadness and exhaustion. Which obviously is the smartest thing to do in ANY given situation.
So I’ve made it a point to start taking care of myself, and it really helps. In more ways than one. I mean, I’m taking care of myself, that’s definitely enough. Even though I don’t feel like it sometimes. Like, I won’t be in the mood to eat, or I’d feel guilty and stressed about taking a break. But I’ve learned to do this despite the way I feel, because it helps me. And taking care of myself also helps me feel like I’m in control of myself. Like things aren’t going out of control. It gives me a grip on the situation. I am the master here. Me.
I also appreciate my journeys to and from university a little more now. It’s like the shower all over again, but this time instead of focusing on getting myself clean, all I have to focus on is getting home. Mindlessly taking in my surroundings as I listen to the music in my ipod. It’s a welcome distraction. (One Direction are on repeat (don’t look at me like that)).
The moment before I go to sleep is a new favourite of mine. Especially the night before an exam. I don’t know. I guess I like the let-go-ness of it. The whatever happens, happens attitude. It’s like that trust exercise. The one where you fall backwards and wait for your friend to catch you. Only, it’s a very extended and less exciting version of it. And it feels like I’m doing it with myself. Like I’m the one that does the falling backwards and the catching at the same time. Trusting myself to do what I can. To be there for myself.
So those are just a few of the little things I’ve come to appreciate during this period of time. The rest are either too weird and complicated to explain (and I do not have the time or the energy to even begin explaining them), or they’re a bit personal. And I have typed this all down wondering “WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU TYPING THIS?” but not everything has to have a reason.
So, can it, Farah.
Read a fic or something.