I have been visiting this stupid blank page for about a month, and I am sick and tired of looking at it! Everything I type – everything I begin to type – just feels wrong and technical and… irrelevant. It’s like when you become conscious about your breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
God, this is exhausting.
And I have spent so much time on thinking about what to write instead of actually JUST W R I T I N G (typing).
T Y P I N G.
I can’t take it anymore!
It started with my first round of midterms. I was so busy studying and stressing out about them, so I didn’t really have enough time to do anything during all that. But then, when I finished my midterms, I decided I was going to write about how stressful things were, or something (?), but then I got caught up with spring break (and all that FREEDOM), that I felt it was a bit too late to discuss that. Like, you’re time has passed, Topic, I will maybe see you reincarnated after my second round of midterms, or, maybe even, finals! So, after I decided against that topic, I then decided I was going to write about how I realised how bad I am at dealing with things when under stress. But every time I thought about it in my head, it came off, and felt, so pointless. Like, why? Why are you writing this, Farah? What is the point? So then, I thought, why not write something more heartfelt, something small and simple. And I sat down for a while, trying to tie words together to form sentences that felt like they were made of something more than just words, but everything I came up with just felt so sappy and cheesy. And not in the good way, I might add.
So, after some time, All Time Low’s new album “Future Hears” is out, and I think, “Hey! All Time Low’s new album is out. Let’s write about that!” And I try to type words that describe how I feel about the “Future Hearts” album, but I fail. Miserably. Which is sad, because it’s a great album.
So, here I am, writing – typing – about… nothing, really. But I’m hoping that by doing this, I’ll be breaking this spell I’m under. That I’ll be breaking the ice between me and myself.
I am told that you are supposed to push through, and be all like, “SCREW YOU, WRITER’S BLOCK. SCREW. YOU.”
Here’s hoping it works.