Thank God That Week Is Over

It’s been almost a week since my presentation, and I have to say, life is much more easygoing right now. No late night worries about how horrible I’m going to be, no crying about my insecurities. I am sleeping as well as one can when one has 8 AM classes. And I am SO THANKFUL FOR THAT. You have no idea. I go to sleep feeling thankful that I have nothing to really worry about for the time being. And even if I have other presentations this semester, I am planning (hoping) that none of them are going to make me feel as bad as my last one did. My God. It was a terrible week. The day before my presentation was one of the longest, and most tiring that I have ever endured. I felt like I was going to collapse on the floor if I relaxed for just one second. I spent so much time preparing, that I forgot to eat. It wasn’t until 11 PM – when I went to bed – that I realised I hadn’t really eaten anything all day (I went down to the kitchen and ate a piece of bread before going back to bed). And I spent the day before that crying and feeling sorry for myself whilst I prepared for the presentation. Looking back on that now, I realise that I sometimes do have a flare for the dramatics, and that I also tend to imagine things as if they were scenes in a movie (as you can tell from my previous post when I described my nightmare-ish imagination of how the presentation would go down). I say all this because, on the day that I spent crying, and feeling sorry for myself whilst preparing, I kept on imagining the T.A. in her house, practicing ballet, or cooking while listening to classical music – just basically doing very calming and relaxing, classy things whilst wearing a creamy white, fluffy robe – while I cried my eyes out in my bathroom. I kept on imagining the scene jumping from me crying dramatically in the bathroom, to her doing her fancy, relaxing stuff while Mozart played in the background.
Me, basically wailing in my bathroom.
She, calmly and gracefully practicing pirouettes.
Me, crying myself to sleep.
She, cooking dinner for and laughing with loved ones.
I mean, even as I was CRYING about my INSECURITIES I thought: I can be such a drama queen.
Needless to say, I am glad that, that week is over. Thank God for that. THANK GOD.
As for the presentation itself, I was not GREAT, but I tried, and I knew my information well enough (thanks to Mom and Dad. Shout out to Mom and Dad: You guys are the best). And I was lucky because I ended up not having to present my whole part because we were running out of time. T.A. made me skip a lot of my slides (perhaps she was proud of and feeling good about the pirouettes she had mastered during that week? (What the frick is a pirouette even?)), which I was definitely thankful for! I skipped them all gladly. The less I have to say to the class, the better.
In the end, I stuttered, I panicked during a part of it and started talking fast, and I also messed up a few sentences here and there, I endured (and ignored) the looks that were given to me, as well as endured (and also ignored) my own criticising thoughts- I did it. And it’s now over. I’m not even allowing myself to cringe about it (despite the fact that I sometimes cannot help myself). I tried. I took a step forward, and I put myself out there. And no one should ever feel ashamed of that.
And then, when my part was over, and I went to stand in the side of the class, away from “prying” eyes, I leaned against the wall, and smiled so genuinely. I must have looked like a goof. I felt sorta invincible after that. Like, you wanna challenge me, go ahead. I dare you to do it. NO. I DOUBLE DARE YOU. GO AHEAD AND CHALLENGE ME, MOFO.
Luckily, no one really seemed to care. Not about my nervousness, nor about my obvious relief. That’s a blessing.
So after all that, I went back home and indulged in some episodes of The Office (US version).
Speaking of, Jim and Pam are cutest thing ever.

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4 thoughts on “Thank God That Week Is Over

  1. There’s nothing better than that feeling of having no major assignments to work on. So stress free, no weight on your shoulders, you feel normal and happy again haha. Been there, done that. And I love when the teacher rushes you cause there’s no time left 😛 You said exactly what I feel about that haha. LIke, “By all means, let’s skip half my presentation. I don’t even mind.”
    Also, yes, Jim and Pam are the cutest. Last year I finally finished all of The Office on Netflix and it was a sad but victorious moment. Did you ever watch 30 Rock or Parks and Recreation?

    • I have my eye on Parks and Rec. I’ve been thinking about picking it up. I see a lot of gifs of it on tumblr, and it seems really funny? Is it any good?
      Jim and Pam are on a whole new level. I love them. They’re so dorky and great. I feel happy when I watch them.
      And it’s crazy how great I felt after my presentation. But I’m not complaining at all about that.
      Also! Are you excited about the Oscars? I’m reeeeeeally excited. I have no predictions, but I do hope that Eddie Redamyne and Felicity Jones win best leading actor/actress, and that Whiplash wins best picture, and that J.K. Simmons wins best supporting actor. Gosh! I’m really excited!!!!!!!

      • Definitely give Park and Reca try. It’s so good. Yeah, I’ll be watching the Oscars today! But truthfully I never get around to watching the “big” movies each year. Most are always heavy drama movies and there’s never anyone who wants to go see those kinds of movies with me :/ I don’t really buy DVDs and I’m too lazy to stream movies online. I really need to catch up! I want to see Birdman, Whiplash and The Imitation Game. And plenty of others…The Oscars are still fun to watch though 😛

  2. It’s always great when a really stressful week is over! I had a weird week two weeks ago, but something had been eating me up for a while, and when I accepted what was eating me up, and faced it, I have been feeling less worried and stressed. You almost feel like you’ve returned to reality after experiencing a new world! hahaha, oh and of course, having something to look forward to i.e The Office, is always a bonus! hahah xx

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