The Nerves Were Worrying Me

According to health.com, I, thankfully, do not have an anxiety disorder. I am entirely grateful for that, as I cannot imagine feeling this way all the time. I’ve been feeling nervous and insecure and fatigued and self-conscious for a week now, and it’s all because of a presentation I have on Thursday. Yes, we’re talking about my fear of presenting again. Please close the door as you exit the room.
Now, when looking through the symptoms provided, I noticed that I did have a few of them, but I know that as soon as I’m done with this stupid presentation, most of these symptoms will be gone, or will not be my main concern anymore (hopefully). And I’ve been told by health.com that if I did have an anxiety disorder, I would be feeling the way I do for most days of the week for six months. So, no. I do not have an anxiety disorder. Thankfully.
I’m just reeeeeally nervous. Which sucks. Because, obviously, I hate feeling uncomfortable. And I feel very uncomfortable right now. Excruciatingly uncomfortable.
I keep getting this warped image in my head of my classmates all laughing at me, or rolling their eyes, or whispering about me to their friends, or even just looking at me with pity. And I see it all like a nightmare in a movie scene where everything starts as normal. T.A. calls my group up to present, and then it’s my turn and I take deep breath and stand in my place, face the class, and start to talk. And then, one of my classmates starts to suddenly laugh, making everyone else join her. They laugh and they point and they stomp their feet and bang their hands on their tables, and, at this point, things turn a bit purple and the first-laugher’s face starts to stretch out, and I sweat and my armpits hurt for some reason, and I’m just frozen there, cold, as I allow this monster to destroy me.
Of course, I know that things won’t really go that way.
Worst case scenario: T.A. asks me a question that I’m not sure how to answer, or, I start getting tongue tied while talking, and my classmates just ignore as best they can no matter what happens. And then, before I know it, I’ll be walking out of that class, and going on to my next one, feeling God knows how (probably relieved (hopefully)) and it’ll be over. And then I’ll have other presentation to present throughout this term and I may not like that, but I’ll do it, and I’ll slowly start to get better at it, more confident even (or less self-conscious). And as I present more and more, things will become less harder and harder. And I’ll be fine.
I’m going to be fine.
No matter what happens, at least I’m trying. I’m taking the initiative. And this may not come as easy to me as it does other people, but what can I do about that except try and improve myself? I keep on looking at myself from the outside, from points of view that I think other people will look at me through, when really I should just be focusing on me. I know what it is to be me, and if my leap between rooftops comes off as a step over a crack on the sidewalk to other people, then that’s just the way things are.
I’m going to be fine.

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9 thoughts on “The Nerves Were Worrying Me

  1. This is very sweet. You will NEVER believe what I had to do today. Okay, so I had to go into a public area of my university and basically put myself into the position where I am the “most beautiful person in the world” I didn’t know what to do, so instead, I go into this space, letting most of my class watch (half weren’t there) and I asked one guy if he thought I was attractive? He was like “yeah you’re beautiful.” ahaha…okay warm up. So then, I asked a girl “what is considered to be a sexy movement?” as I didn’t know what it felt like to be the most beautiful women in the world, so I thought, if you feel a certain way, then you’ll look that way (because self confidence) I did so many “sexy movements” which was quite liberating and funny to do. My whole class watched, and they were cracking up.

    There have been many moments when I have felt nervous about doing presentations, and performances in front of people. Whilst you’re not doing a sexy movement in front of random strangers, you’ll still be feeling quite nervous about presenting whatever it is your presenting to a class. What I would advise to EVERYONE, is feed off the nerves, and let it pump you and make you feel confident that you’re going to rock this presentation. Nerves are good; sometimes it can get to the point where you want to throw up, and if that happens, it’s not a bad thing, but you don’t want to feel that way all the time. Just think that you’re in your bedroom, and when your presenting, you are verbally blogging.

    Hope it all goes well! xx

    • “When you’re presenting you’re verbally blogging” that really boosted my mood when I read it. Thanks for that. I wasn’t GREAT, but, then again, I wasn’t really expecting to be. I presented and knew my information as best as I could, and, yes, I did stutter, and I started talking really quick at one point, but I pulled my self together and pushed through. It wasn’t so bad. I just made a monster out of my own insecurities, and I’m working on not doing that. So presentation went well. 1 down 2 more to go. Hopefully the others will be easier than the first one. WAY easier.

      And you’re so gutsy! I can only imagine how liberating that must have felt. Just doing something without really thinking too much about it. Thinking about you doing that made me feel like I could present to my class. Thank you for that! Today in class I kept on thinking how I could literally just get out of my seat, stand on the table and scream my head off if I wanted to. Or, get up and run 10 laps in the hallway. I could stand up and say everything I’ve been feeling for the last 10 months. I could do that and much more, but I don’t because, well, mainly, because I don’t want to, but even if I did want to, I’d still NOT do it, and that’s because… people? I turn people into monsters? Or, I don’t think it’s worth it? Or, I’m terrified of the outcome?
      I’m still trying to figure out the reason for that.

      • i’m glad that I was of help! yeah, I remember rushing through a presentation because it was my first one, but I’m more comfortable presenting now. 🙂

        gosh it’s so funny and embarrassing, but it’s funny to think back to haha. yeah I think the whole “i could do … but i didn’t because” goes back to the idea that we don’t actually have to do those things. We can just feel liberated and confident enough to think *screw what others think, this is my time to present and shine, what do i want to be remembered for?* whilst that’s a big statement, it’s still something to keep in mind, because the attention is on you at that moment.

        I’m really glad it went well for you! i’m currently working on a project *time is our theme* and it’s going well, i have a concert tomorrow so hopefully that’ll be fun to just go down to and have a good time. 🙂 hahah xx

      • Yes, that is quite a statement, but it is definitely something to keep in mind. Makes everything you’re doing feel relevant. “What do I want to be remembered for?” It’s totally a question worth asking yourself when you’re put in the spot. I like that.
        And I remember you telling me about your project. It sounds quite interesting. I’d love to hear how it goes! And what concert did you go to? Would you believe me if I said that I’ve NEVER been to a concert before? It’s something I plan to remedy really soon, hopefully. I hope it was fun and memorable for you.

      • it’s a majorly big question, but it keeps me going. it reminds me that i’ve been put here for a reason. (Philosophical side of me coming out!)

        Yes, the project is going well, i’ve been posting my makeup looks on here, and we started choreographing last week, but I will show you a video of the final thing 🙂 It’s going well!

        i went to Christina Grimmie, she was absolutely amazing! Wow you haven’t? That’s not shocking at all! my first was in 2007, and it was on 1st April, london Hammersmith Apollowhere I saw Fall Out Boy. My concert days were during 2007-2009, mum used to take my sister, her friends and mine to gigs practically every month! I love going to gigs, but they (as obvious as it may sound) have to be 1) amazing live, 2) someone I really want to see live 3) what I find most important is i see them when they mean so much to me at that moment in my life.

        EG: I saw enter shikari in 2010 and it was blooming amazing, but I recently saw them, and they were good, great, but I felt too old watching them live. However i would probably go again, if I was offered a ticket, I wouldn’t buy a ticket unless I really wanted to:) xxx

  2. Oh man, it hurts to see you so worked up! I can relate! I hate speaking in front of others. Even if it’s just with two or three people, being put on the spot and having strangers pay attention to me gets me all flustered and my face turns red and even my voice changes. God, it’s so embarrasinggg. But hey, the best part is the feeling right after a big presentation. When you’re walking back to your seat and it is allll over. Best relief ever. Just think of that. Yes, you will be fine. Good luck!

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