Here’s something that sums up what I want to say:
I feel empty.
Uninterested. Down. Numb.
But also, not numb. I’m very aware of the feelings that stir inside me. It’s just that I don’t feel like doing anything about it.
I feel lazy. Zombie-ish. And slightly pathetic.
Angry. I feel angry too. Angry at myself more than anything. It’s been a while since I’ve felt like I accomplished something. I just feel lost. Not lost. Trapped. Trapped in this void. Neither here nor there. Just stuck in all this grey matter.
I keep thinking what others are going to think. Which is stupid. I don’t care. I never care. But I do. I do care what you think. I want to know. I want to know what you think. It’s like when I start to write something all I can think about is what others are going to think about it. And I don’t mean it in a “What are they going to think of me?” kind of way. I mean, I really want to know what you think. I don’t think I’d mind if you didn’t like it, but then again. No one has ever said so. I’ve never been put in that situation. So I start to think about what others are going to think and that just kills everything else. I can’t think of anything at all. And the problem is that I can’t escape it. I can’t get away from it. So I find it hard to be productive. I keep thinking about what people will think when they know. Which is why I haven’t told anyone I know about this blog. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe I’m just having a bad weekend. That’s probably it.
On the plus side, I very much like this whole gif-use idea.